Many people shy away from talking dirty, even though it can be a powerful tool for intimacy. In fact, a recent study found that participants were more likely to pay attention when their partners articulated sexual requests or desires.
The key is to start small and ramp things up over time. And remember: how you say it is as important as what you say.
Read Erotic Literature
Many people read erotic literature (also known as erotica) to get turned on and feel comfortable talking about their own sexual fantasies. Some of these stories can be used to inspire new ideas for sexy activities in the bedroom, like reading a story aloud while you and your partner teasingly touch each other’s faces or try alternating turns with vibrators.
There are a number of websites where you can read erotic stories. Some of the more popular ones include Nifty, Novel Trove, Laurel and Manu, and Literotica.
Some of these sites allow you to filter by genre and kink, so you can find what you’re looking for quickly. For instance, you can choose to filter by rough sex, fantasy or sci-fi sex, first time sex, fetish and more. You can also read erotic stories from individual authors or explore author chain stories on some of these sites. This can be a great way to discover new authors that you might want to follow.
Talk About Sex
Talking about sexuality is one of the best ways to bring intimacy levels in a relationship up to the next level. Discussing sex-positive fantasy, physical expectations, and what works for you in the bedroom are all important components of healthy couple sex.
It is best to talk about these things before you get too turned on. Doing so helps you keep your logical thinking skills intact and can prevent you from making decisions that could end up being dangerous for either of you.
Having a narrated sexual experience to draw from is an excellent way to get the conversation going. Many couples find that retelling an orgasm they’ve experienced together is extremely sexy and intimate. Some sex talk may also involve swear words and slang terms, but this is entirely up to you and your partner. Using these phrases can add an extra element of sexiness and make you more recognizable to your lover. The key is to use them sparingly and with discretion, and only when you are sure that your partner is ready for it.
Practice
Dirty talk isn’t necessarily about being vulgar, but expressing yourself in a way that gets your partner turned on. That’s why it’s so important to take the time to find out what makes your partner hot — and to figure out how to use this information in a way that feels completely authentic to you.
Some people want to hear specific descriptions of their bodies and how they can make others feel, while others are more turned on by talking about their sexual fantasies, or even re-describing a past experience together that was especially sexy. It’s also a good idea to check in with your partner (outside of the bedroom) to find out if there are any words that turn them off entirely, or that they prefer you not use for them or their parts.
You can start to practice your dirty talk even before you reach the bedroom by whispering sexy things in their ear while you’re at an event or on a train, or describing sexy moves you plan to make with them over text. Then when you get to the bedroom, your partner will be anticipating it with a whole lot of excitement.