If you feel like you’re being used in your relationship, it can be incredibly painful. But it’s important to know how to recognize the signs and take action before you start to feel emotionally devastated.
Identifying the signs that your partner is using you will help you determine if your relationship is worth staying in or not.
1. He asks probing questions about your life.
Probing questions are a great way to spark intimacy and connection with someone. They reveal someone’s values, qualities, fears, and personal past.
They also encourage critical thinking and learning. It’s important to pay attention to nonverbal cues as he answers your questions and don’t rush him.
He might be a great listener and respond well to your questions without judgment. But if you ask him a controversial question that he finds offensive, he might get upset and change the subject.
You might want to find out if he has any irrational fears or phobias. This can help you figure out how he deals with them when they pop up in his life. You may even be able to share your own irrational fears with him.
2. He asks for favors.
If a man asks for favors all the time, it’s a sign that he’s a user. They’re the type of guys who will make you his errand girl or call up friends on their behalf when you’re sick, and they’ll also take advantage of you to help them gain status.
It’s known as the Benjamin Franklin effect, and it’s something you should know about.
It’s a psychological phenomenon that makes it more likely for someone to comply with your request if you give them a reason for asking for it. For example, if you ask them to cover for you at dinner on a client’s behalf, you’re more likely to get them to do it if you tell them why you need it.
4. He doesn’t ask how you’re doing.
A man who is a user will not ask how you are doing or make it a point to show interest in your life. He might even avoid talking about you with his friends or on social media.
He may even make you feel awkward and embarrassed about your interests or values. This is a warning sign that he doesn’t respect you and your choices.
A man who is a user will also not be interested in committing to a relationship. He may say he wants to, but he won’t push the relationship forward in any meaningful way.
5. He gossips about you.
Often, a user will talk about other people behind your back. They may enjoy seeing others’ bad luck, or feel they need to make themselves feel better.
If a man has this tendency, it is not a good idea to befriend him. He may be a jealous jerk, or he may simply be incapable of keeping his mouth shut when talking about other people.
Gossip can be a very painful thing to deal with, and it can even have long-term effects on you. If you hear gossip about you, it is best to confront the gossiper.
